WARREN - Nestled between an eroding parking lot full of irrationally tall weeds and yet another industrial trash fabricator on 8 Mile between Hoover and Van Dyke in Warren, is
Hitching Post Bar and Grill. To the passerby it looks like every other bar in Warren. It's not really clean looking, but neither is it awfully filthy. It's almost as if it's too normal for the area. It's almost as if someone was trying to make sure people don't enter the bar and grill. Upon research funded by
ROCKET Mortgage by Quicken Loans, Dr. Lawrence Lagoinas
soon found out that this was to be true.
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| "I never seen no one leave there, I don't think." said a self-proclaimed "totally sober" south Warren resident, "Granted, I never seen no one go in either, though." |
Dr. Lagoinas, of Macomb Community College, has speculations beyond a reasonable doubt that within the walls lies a temporal rift. This rift has been taking anyone who enters the building and depositing their skeletal remains underground in Macomb Township sometime between 1973 and 1975. Dr. Lagoinas has a few theories on this rift, one being being that the clearly out-of-date satellite dish on the roof was deviously installed by a deranged WCCC drop-out to collect cosmic radiation fueling the time-portal. The other has to do with what Dr. Lagoinas calls a "Time Wizard", pictured below by the
Google Maps Streetview car back in September.
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| "It's easy to see she's a Time Wizard. She's practicing classic temporal manipulation techniques right there in the parking lot." - Dr. Lagoinas. |
Dr. Lagoinas comments, "
I mean, even if there wasn't a temporal rift that obliterates your innards in that building, I'd still hesitate to enter it. Just look at that place." Dr. Lagoinas continues his research and hopes to find out more information on the source of this enigma in the coming months.
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